Is there really a St. Valentine? Did he want to be remembered by a box of chocolates or a stuffed teddy bear? We may never know, but one thing is for certain: A lot of people dread Valentine's Day.Sure, it can be all hugs and laughter one minute, but the pressure's on to gift your S.O. that special something they didn't tell you they wanted, but you figured it out anyway because you're literally the best partner ever. Unless you're not.
For those of us on the other end of the love spectrum, may we present 15 of the worst Valentine's gift ideas maybe ever. These presents will tell your special someone that you've thrown in the towel and couldn't care less. Good riddance!
Nothing says "f*ck me gently with a chainsaw" like a "Surprise, It's Meat!" jerky box.
Man Crates Jerky Heart, $29.99, available at Man Crates.
Yes, it does look like that's one person mercilessly strangling another. And yes, that will happen to you if you gift this to your S.O.
My Mugs & More Mug, $12.95, available at Etsy.
Kind of adorable, mostly disconcerting!
Uncommon Goods Plush Organs, $18.00, available at Uncommon Goods.
Give me this IRL and I'll hate you forever. Give me this as an emoji, on the other hand...
BuyDBest Inc. Egg Fryer, $8.74, available at Amazon.
This way when you break up you know there'll be something personalized in the nearest landfill.
3D Printed Works Cookie Cutter, $6.99, available at Etsy.
This little guy sends one hell of a mixed message. Who knows what you're into!
There Will Be Buttons Pinback Button, $1.95, available at Etsy.
A framed Mad Money poster will really mess with a person's head.
All PostersMad Money Poster, $21.99, available at All Posters.
The subtext is, "Just keep riding until you drop off that cliff up ahead, because I never want to see you again."
Style For Miles Jewelry FitBit Bracelet, $42.99, available at Etsy.
Nothing says "stunted adolescence" quite like un-ironically gifting someone milk chocolate. Oh, and the fact that it's shaped like a PlayStation controller makes it that much worse.
Shopitivity LLC Valentine's Day Controller, $19.50, available at Amazon.
If every kiss begins with "K," then every breakup begins with "performance jock strap."
Papi Jock Strap, $14.95, available at Amazon.
The idea of these is very sweet, but they're far better suited for a little kid's bedroom than your own.
Bold Loft Pillow Cases, $29.99, available at Etsy.
This unintentionally macabre "shot to the heart" desk accessory is just what the witch doctor ordered.
Uncommon Goods Shot To The Heart, $38.00, available at Uncommon Goods.
Who has time for subtlety, anyway?
Raffaele Iannello Knife Holder Set, $159.00, available at Wayfair.
Has anything ever so clearly said, "I don't know you at all"?
Uncommon Goods Heart In Hand, $100.00, available at Uncommon Goods.
A candle that looks like if Georgia O'Keeffe designed a massive dildo for The Lord of the Rings— sign me up!
Monna Candles Candle, $29.99, available at Etsy.
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