At the age of 25, Julia Kozerski weighed 338 pounds and was diagnosed as "morbidly obese." Hoping to improve her quality of life, she embarked upon what she calls her "own self-directed, healthy-living journey." This included exercising more, focusing on nutrition, controlling the portions she ate — and photographing herself. By the end of her journey, Kozerski had lost over 160 pounds and taken countless photos of her body's transformation. This is how her photo series, Half, came to be.
"When I initially began photographing myself, the images were close-up skin shots and those where my face can't be seen," Kozerski told Refinery29. "Truthfully, I was embarrassed of what I'd 'done' to myself."
As Kozerski discovered, losing as much weight as 160 pounds at one time can have dramatic effects that go beyond the physical. Getting to know her body after the weight loss was as much a part of Kozerki's journey as the weight loss itself. "I was coming to terms with the reality of my experience and my body through [photography]," she said.
Kozerski started her journey in 2009, but it still has an impact on her life today. "I revisit these images on a daily basis. As weird as it sounds, I have some of them hanging in my home," she said. Despite her initial discomfort with photographing herself, Kozerski has embraced this chapter of her life, noting that our bodies can tell a powerful story all on their own.
"Every stretch mark, every scar, every dimple and mark — it's who we are," she said. "I wish more people could experience themselves as I did while making my work, and gain a better appreciation for their own gifts."
Click ahead to view Half and to read Kozerski's thoughts on her journey.
It's your body. It's your summer. Enjoy them both. Check out more #TakeBackTheBeach, here.
... or for Worse
"My physical transformation took place a few months after my wedding. At the time, I had really been thinking about my future as a wife and (someday) a mother. This picture was made with mixed emotions. Had I improved myself or had I become someone other than the woman my husband had loved enough to marry?"
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Vestige
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Uncover
"Oddly enough, this image was taken in a (failed) attempt to be sexy in my new body. I thought the silky underwear would mask my body, but in the end, my insecurities won. I became frustrated and removed the clothes."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Surrender
"Like some of the other images, I face the outside world, although always from a 'safe' distance — hidden behind curtains or towards but away from windows."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Casing No. 1
"The entire series started as these abstract images. I wanted my body to appear even more distorted and grotesque than it was."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Affront
"My mirror had become my truth-teller. I visited it often, and while I appreciated that it was impartial, I couldn't help but feel a disconnect mentally, from myself to that which I saw reflected back at me."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Own
"This image was created to assert myself as the image-maker. I wanted to make reference to the fact that this was a concrete documentary, and give reference to the medium of photography. (For those who don't know, I am holding a remote-controlled camera-shutter release.)"
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Avert
"There was a strong duality within my transition. I was still a wife and lover, but I was also yearning to be someone more. Was it better-looking, better-feeling? I don't know if I ever came to a definitive answer."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Bare
"To this day, this is one of my most favorite images from the series. It is a conversation with myself. Everything stripped away, just me in an empty room. No guilt, no shame...just me."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Ruins No. 1
"Along with the Casing images, these were some of the first photographs taken in the series. Besides pushing the limits of my body, I was also slowly getting more comfortable in front of the camera and allowing my identity to come forward."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Untitled
"This was the first image I ever showed publicly. It won 'Best In Show' at the Center for Fine Art Photography's 'Food' exhibition."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Whitewash
"Although the same physical scene as Bare, you can begin to understand the psychological duality of being comfortable in my skin literally and wanting to hide from it."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Casing No. 2
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Shoulder
"I used the stark black background as a push-and-pull for the viewer. Just as it was in transformation, the visuals become a balance between internal and external, physical and emotional, public and private."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Hunger
"This photograph embraces my understanding/acknowledgement that my entire struggle was in the name of love (acceptance?) from myself and from others, presumably my husband."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Absolution
"The tear running down my face is one of millions, each one symbolizing a different emotion (love, fear, sadness, happiness, pain, confusion, etc.). At some moment in time, I forgave myself — for what, I can't say for sure, but I gave myself permission to be okay, to be me."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Ruins No. 2
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Lovers Embrace
"I love this image so much that I hate it. I love it because it instills in me that true love is more than physical, but I hate it because no matter my weight/age/etc., I sometimes still feel this way to this day."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Casing No. 3
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Eclipse
"My husband is so brave for trusting me with his nude image, and I think that notion adds to the power of the photograph."
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Weighing
Photo: Courtesy of Julia Kozerski.
Self
"While it may appear to be a 'dark' ending to the series, I see this photo as a happy ending. Like Bare, I've accepted what is and contemplate what is to come. I'm not hiding; rather, I've turned away, not needing or wanting the opinions/judgement of others. I am my self."
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