“So tell me a little about yourself.” You’ve rehearsed the answer in the mirror or with your roommate several times. You know to highlight the year you worked across Southeast Asia and the ambitious career goals you’ve set out for yourself. But instead what comes out is a jumbled word vomit — a mixture of where you grew up and that time you studied abroad in Amsterdam, which prompts the knowing smirk of the interviewer, who is all too aware of how little studying actually goes on in the Poppy City.
It’s fine, though. Really. If this is the worst faux pas of the interview, the hiring manager will walk out of the room elated. We all know interviews are awful. It’s a rare thing for someone to leave an interview with the same confidence he or she walked in with. Those who tell you otherwise are kidding themselves. There is always a way for it to have gone better — more research on the details of the position, for example, specifically noting professional growth and how you plan to achieve your goals and those of the company.
While we can all improve our interview skills in very basic ways, these are truly insignificant missteps compared to what hiring managers see on a regular basis. Candidates arrive late or not at all, they bring their kids, or the stench of their nerve-calming cigarette is still lingering on their clothes. On early-morning interviews, jittery candidates arrive sweating, as their bodies rid themselves of the previous night’s booze.
In the hundreds of interviews I’ve conducted over the past five years, I’ve seen nearly every possible scenario play out before my eyes. From waitresses and cooks to "directors of [insert high-paying job here]," each group had its outliers committing interview crimes without realizing. At first, the truly absurd things would shock me. I’d tuck the story away and recount it with my management team as we went over our recruiting process. But as the strange and unprofessional behaviors continued, it began to feel irresponsible not to point out these issues to the candidate. After all, it’s a manager’s duty to develop someone professionally, so why did that need to wait until after he or she landed the job? So I began my mission to civilize with the hope that future managers would silently thank whoever corrected the odd behaviors I regularly witnessed.
What follows are tales from a reformed recruiter who truly, desperately wants you to nail your next interview.
Don’t Drop The F Bomb — Even If The Interviewer Does
Now, it’s worth noting I am a fairly casual interviewer. I’ve never worked for a stuffy corporate company, so I like my interviewing style to mimic the culture of the company. I also want the person I’m chatting with to be at ease. My language is friendly and engaging. On occasion, I’ll even drop a “Damn, that’s rad,” if something really impresses me. Yet I still believe it’s never okay to say "fuck" in an interview. The word tells someone you lack a filter or are generally unaware of your surroundings.
This may seem like common sense, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned as an HR manager, it’s that few people bring common sense to an interview. In an interview for a director-level role, the candidate arrived confident, bordering on cocky, and began to fill my colleague and me in on his accomplishments to date. As the interview went on and I asked a specific question about his credentials, the candidate noted how “fucking hard” it was to launch his own business. I grimaced. No matter how many times you hear the word, it still gives pause. The interview continued because this person was truly unaware that his words put me off, but all my colleague and I could focus on was the cavalier way he threw "fuck" in a sentence. Despite the low-key nature of our business, the word threw off our entire perception of him. Had he not said it, he would have likely moved on to another round of interviews.
Illustrated by Amrita Marino.
If You’d Wear It To A Club, Don’t Wear It To An Interview
In addition to making my interviewee feel comfortable with the way I communicate, I also make sure to dress appropriately on interview days so I don't make a candidate who is dressed to impress feel out of place. But it’s crucial that you, as a prospective hire, know your audience. In the age of startups that tout benefits like meditation rooms and company dodge-ball competitions, professional attire now encompasses various levels. A large part of interviews is making sure you’re a cultural fit for the company — that is, can you get down with the vibe of the office? If not, you'll likely feel like an outsider and won’t be a hire.
But even as many offices develop a more casual presence, tasteful attire is still important. While I was working for a restaurant startup, a candidate arrived for a supervisor interview in five-inch heels and a miniskirt. This is literally the only thing I remember from the interview. As many HR managers will tell you, we often know within five minutes if we'd like to pursue a candidate. While this person was put together and well-dressed, her inability to differentiate between date and interview attire was immediately off-putting and took away from the rest of what she had to offer.
On the other side, I’ve heard stories of people feeling like they didn’t get a job they were entirely qualified for because they wore a suit and the hiring manager was in jeans. While my general rule is that it’s better to be overdressed than under-, as it shows you care, I too understand why candidates may feel like their suit signaled that they weren’t the best fit. So start with something that falls between Kim K’s body-con dresses and Hillary Clinton’s pantsuits of yore.
Illustrated by Amrita Marino.
For The Love Of All That Is Sacred, Don’t Show Up Stoned
We may work in HR, but we know how to have fun, too. Even the most uptight of our kind know what someone looks like after they’ve smoked a bowl. Now, I get that interviews can be nerve-racking, especially if it’s a job you’ve deemed your dream. But instead of hitting a bong 20 minutes before arriving, try a few yoga poses or deep breathing.
There have been many questionable moments in all my years of interviewing, where I've wondered if someone’s glassy, red eyes were a symptom of allergies or of marijuana, but there are a few that left no doubt in my mind. On one occasion, I was sitting in my office waiting for a 6 p.m. interview to arrive. An email popped up from the candidate saying, "I’m on East [blank] street and there is no building here." I quickly scanned our previous exchanges and the calendar invite, worried I put E instead of W, but no. The address was correct. I wrote back correcting the address, and the candidate was on his way. Once he arrived, sweaty and late, I caught that familiar sweet-sour smell as he passed me. It became clear to me that the address wasn’t what made this person late to meet me, but whatever he enjoyed before his arrival.
This candidate, like the one with the stilettos and ass-baring dress, was an immediate pass for me. Unfortunately, he would not take no for an answer until eventually I had to politely request he stop contacting me as the position had been filled. Which brings me to my next tip...
Illustrated by Amrita Marino.
If You’ve Already Interviewed Once, Don’t Come Back Next Week
Cheech wasn’t the first person to believe I was passing on a dream candidate. For many of the interviews I’ve conducted, there's been an open call — meaning there is a window of time and an address for interested candidates to come and plead their case. Due to the number of people attending these open calls, I’ll often have a second interviewer with me to move things along, which means I don't always meet every single person myself. On many occasions, I’ve let people know that if we are interested in pursuing their candidacy, they’ll receive a phone call within 24 hours. If they don't receive a call, it means we aren’t moving forward. This is in part because I need time to consider all the applicants and in part because someone isn't the right fit.
One week, I was conducting the open-call interviews with a colleague and noticed the person she was talking to was someone I had turned down the week before. I finished my conversation and went to sit with them. The candidate smiled as she recognized me, and before I could sit down, she said, “I just thought I needed a second chance to show I’m the right person for this.” Don’t get me wrong — enthusiasm goes a long way. But for the sake of everyone’s time, giving it another shot so soon only hurts your chances. Unless there are extraordinary circumstances or considerable time has passed, giving you more experience with a particular role, it’s very likely that if you were not hired on Monday, you will also not be hired on Tuesday.
Illustrated by Amrita Marino.
Take Your Headphones Out Of Your Ears
It’s a good idea to treat an interview like you’re meeting your significant other’s parents. You should hide all those odd and potentially rude habits until they really get to know you.
And yet, on interviews I’m often shocked by the habits people wear proudly. Often, on open-call interviews, I’ll sit at a table and candidates will come over one by one. While the nature of the interview is always more informal than in instances when someone schedules ahead of time, basic manners still apply. One standout performance was from a candidate who walked over to the table I was interviewing at, mid-interview, and sat down next to the person with whom I was speaking. I suggested he wait in another area, as the interviews were private. The candidate grunted and moved to a table to listen to music while he waited. When I called him back over to the table, the headphones came with him, still in ear.
Remember that mission to civilize that I mentioned? Well, this is where it started. I waited patiently, quietly, as the candidate stared at me. Eventually he asked me if we’d start, and I said, “I was waiting until you finished your song.” When the comment was met with a puzzled look, I said, “You still have your earbuds in.” “Oh, there’s nothing playing.” Snarky as this may be, I believe people deserve the same level of courtesy they put out in the world. Since the candidate did not think it rude not to remove his earbuds when he sat down, I didn’t think it was rude to mention them. Nothing says inattentive like keeping your headphones in.
Illustrated by Amrita Marino.
Bring Your Résumé. The Right One. Yes, Even Though You Emailed It.
It’s true. Hiring managers rarely consult a résumé for in-depth information during an interview. The résumé is why you were asked to come in. And yet it’s still important to bring in a copy. While you may think you are a standout candidate (and you may very well be), interviewers see hundreds of résumés a day. We need them in front of us to kick-start our memory.
But bringing a copy of your résumé isn’t enough. You need to bring the right one. In an interview with a prospective manager, the candidate had to tell me half her experience because the résumé she brought stopped two years ago — which did not mirror the one that was emailed. Not bringing the right résumé tells me you’re disorganized, which is not a quality you want to lead with in an interview. It also makes me question the veracity of your résumé. In this case, I was told the résumé with a two-year gap was in fact the correct one. I felt duped, as the candidate scored an interview under false pretenses (if she didn’t disclose this until after getting a job, it could be deemed illegal). I cut the interview short because my time was wasted on someone who lied about her experience.
Illustrated by Amrita Marino.
Unless You’re Coming From A NASA Mission, You Need To Call/Email/Text If You Anticipate Being Late
Notice how that says anticipate being late. It does a disservice to everyone if you let the hiring manager know you’ll be late five minutes past the interview time. There’s even cell reception on public transit now, so not being able to let the interviewer know you’re running behind is not excusable. Once, a candidate arrived two hours after an interview was meant to take place, apologizing for being tardy. After 15 minutes, most interviewers assume you’re a no-show. After two hours, we assume you shouldn’t be hired. Similarly, a candidate arrived when the interview was scheduled to end, remarking that he thought the calendar invite was a suggested window of arrival, even after confirming the start time.
But while it’s important to let someone know you’ll be late or need to reschedule, don’t make that call at 7 a.m. One day, I was waiting in line for my morning coffee at 7:04 when my phone began to ring. I picked up, and it was the person I was set to meet at noon, confirming our meeting. The enthusiasm was noted as a positive, but I also worried that this candidate may lack boundaries that are so important in the workplace. The call was for naught, however, as the person did not show up for the interview.
Illustrated by Amrita Marino.
Know Your Role
A lot of people find new jobs by way of Indeed or other sites that automatically send their résumé toward positions that fit certain criteria. Technology makes it easy to apply for many jobs at once, which is great because there is strength in numbers. The downside is that you may not be entirely knowledgeable about the positions you’ve applied for.
I’ve lost count of the number of times a candidate has asked me what role he or she was interviewing for. But I do know that none of them got the job. As soon as someone contacts you for an interview, it’s time to start preparing. Review the job description and research the company, writing down any notes or questions you may have. On one occasion, it wasn’t until halfway through, when I asked if the candidate had any questions for me before moving on, that she told me she didn’t know what the role was. I asked what she thought she was interviewing for, and she responded, “I’m not sure. Indeed just sends out my résumé to different kinds of jobs.” An otherwise promising conversation was destroyed by this one statement. I responded with the title of the job and nothing more. You cannot expect a hiring manager to do the work for you. We know what the position is, and we assume that if you apply, you do, too.
Illustrated by Amrita Marino.
Learn To Spell
Oh, technology, how I loathe/love you. I have many feelings about how technology will be the downfall of a productive society, but that’s a different story for a different day. However, I love how easy technology makes it for you to learn someone’s name and role at a company. You don’t even need to go very far for this information. LinkedIn is best if you want to go down the rabbit hole of who’s who at a company, but an email address will tell you all you need to know.
It’s rare now for someone’s professional email address to not be his or her name. Additionally, in email, a person’s first and last name often appear in the place of an email address (thanks, Google). So if you’re responding to an email from a hiring manager, you should spell his or her name correctly. I cannot stress enough how little details like this do not go unnoticed.
In an email correspondence, one person referred to me as Suzzane, Suzan, Susan, and, my personal favorite, Sir. If you’re questioning the gender of someone, it’s best to use neutral pronouns. But when the interviewer's name is spelled out in an email (it’s Suzanne, by the way), referring to him or her as anything but is a clear sign that you DGAF. We’re not asking you to win a national spelling bee here; just copy and paste the name of the person who needs to think of you as the best person for the job.
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